jokes

Barre, Vermont

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Barre City Fire Department

Fire-Fighter Jokes

A firefighter walks by a bar........... Hey, it could happen!

A firefighter and an EMT are in a car together, who's driving? The cop.

A firefighter and an EMT are in a bar fight, who wins? Their wives.

What's the one thing that scares firefighters? Their weddings.

What's the difference between a rookie and a cockroach? One is an annoying little creature that you can never
get rid of, the other's a bug.

What's the difference between private ambulance services and libraries? One can give you a lot of useful
information for handling medical emergencies, the other's are emergency services slackers.. uhh, i mean
"workers"

An old Fire Fighter's wife stood in front of a mirror. She said to the old Fire Fighter "I'm fat, wrinkled and ugly.
Say something to cheer me up". He replied
(very calm) "Your eyesight is perfect".

A student firefighter walks into the local FD on a training night. The chief says "Sure, you're a student, I'll let ya
sit in, it's so great to see more young people getting into the fire service!" So the student sits down in the
back corner. The education officer gets up in front and explains how the department just bought new air bags
and a SKED, and that they need to practice with them tonight because you never know when that call will come
up where you need it. Unfortunately, he needs a victim... The student in the back thinks "Wow, this is gonna
be great, I'll actually get to see them practicing some neat-o stuff!" But then hears the education officer udder
those oh-so-terribly dreaded words "C'mere ROOKIE..."

A fire started on some grasslands near a farm. The county fire department was called to put out the fire. The
fire was more than the county fire department could handle. Someone suggested that a nearby volunteer
bunch be called. Despite some doubt that the volunteer outfit would be of any assistance, the call was made.
The volunteers arrived in a dilapidated old fire truck. They rumbled straight towards the fire, drove right into
the middle of the flames and stopped! The firemen jumped off the truck and frantically started spraying water
in all directions. Soon they had snuffed out the center of the fire,breaking the blaze into two easily-controlled
parts. Watching all this, the farmer was so impressed with the volunteer fire department's work and was so
grateful that his farm had been spared, that right there on the spot he presented the volunteers with a check
for $1,000. A local news reporter asked the volunteer fire captain what the department planned to do with the
funds. "That ought to be obvious, " he responded, wiping ashes off his coat. "The first thing we're gonna do is
get the brakes fixed on our fire truck!"

"Oh, No!" he gasped as he surveyed the disaster before him. Never in his 40 years of life had he seen
anything like it. How anyone could have survived he did not know. He could only hope that somewhere amid
the overwhelming destruction he would find his 16-year-old son. Only the slim hope of finding Danny kept him
from om turning and fleeing the scene. He took a deep breath and proceeded. Walking was virtually
impossible with so much rubble strewn across his path. He moved ahead slowly."Danny! Danny!" he whispered
to himself. He tripped and almost fell several times. He heard someone, or something, move. At least he
thought he did. Perhaps, he was just hoping he did. He shook his head and felt his gut tighten. He couldn't
understand how this could have happened. There was some light but not enough to see very much.
Something cold and wet brushed against his hand. He jerked it away. How could this have happened? In
desperation, he took another step then cried out, "Danny!"From a nearby pile of unidentified material, he
heard his son. "Yes, Dad," he said, in a voice so weak he could hardly hear. The father turned his head in the
direction of his groaning son and stumbled to him. "It's time to get up and get ready for school," the man
sighed, "and, for crying out loud...clean this room!!"
(Remind ya of any kids ya know?)

It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when the Chief got off work. He
made his way to his car and wondered how he was going to make it home. He sat in her car while it warmed up
and thought about the situation. He finally decided that he should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow
it. That way he would not get stuck in the snow drift. This made him feel much better and sure enough in a little
while a snow plow went by and he started to follow it. As he followed the snow plow he was feeling very smug
and he was not having any problem with the blizzard conditions. After quite some time had passed he was
somewhat surprised when the snow plow stopped and the driver got out and came back to the car and
signaled for him to roll down the window. "You alright Chief?" The snow plow driver asked. "You've been
following me for a long time" "I'm fine. I decided to follow you through this blizzard so that I wouldn't get
caught in a snow drift." "OK Chief, you can follow if you want. But it could take a long time. When I'm done with
the Fire Department Lot I'm headed to the police station."

The Chief called down to the computer shop to complain that he kept getting an "Access Denied" message
every time he tried to log in. The respectful computer geek figured out that he was typing his user name and
password in capital letters. Tech Support: "OK, let's try once more, but use lower case letters." Chief: "Uh, I
only have capital letters on my keyboard."

The Chief asked one of his rookies ; "Hey rook , do you believe in life after death?" "Yes, Sir," the new recruit
replied.
"Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the Chief went on, "After you left early yesterday to go to your
grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you."

Paramedics still make house calls. One afternoon a crew was called to the Tuttle house. Mrs. Tuttle was in
terrible pain. A paramedic came out of the bedroom a minute after he'd gone in and asked Mr. Tuttle, "Do you
have a hammer?" A puzzled Mr. Tuttle went to the garage, and returned with a hammer. The paramedic
thanked him and went back into the bedroom.A moment later, he came out and asked, "Do you have a chisel?"
Mr. Tuttle complied with the request.
In the next ten minutes, Dr. Carver asked for and received a pair of pliers a screwdriver and a hacksaw. The
last request got to Mr. Tuttle. He asked, "What are you doing to my wife?" "Not a thing," replied paramedic
Carver. "We can't get our instrument bag open."

A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed
past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children fell to discussing the dog’s
duties."They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster. "No," said another, "he’s just for good luck."
A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."

Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young firefighter and said solemnly, "Baptism is a
serious step. Are you prepared for it?" "I think so," the man replied. "My wife has made appetizers and we
have a caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for all of our guests." "I don’t mean that," the
priest responded. "I mean, are you prepared spiritually?" "Oh, sure," came the reply. "I’ve got a keg of beer
and a case of whiskey."

A brunette, a redhead, and a Blondie escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. The firemen are on the
street below, holding a blanket for them to jump into. The firemen yell to the brunette, "Jump! Jump! It's your
only chance to survive!" The brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away. The brunette
slams into the sidewalk like a tomato. "C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!" say the firemen to the redhead. "Oh no!
You're gonna pull the blanket away!" says the redhead. "No! It's brunettes we can't stand! We're OK with
redheads!" "Ok," says the redhead and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away, and the lady is
flattened on the pavement like a pancake. Finally, the Blondie steps to the edge of the roof. Again, the
firemen yell, "Jump! You have to jump!" "No way! You're just gonna pull the blanket away!" yelled the Blondie.
"No! Really! You have to jump! We won't pull the blanket away!" "Look," the Blondie says, "Nothing you say is
gonna convince me that you're not gonna pull the blanket away! So what I want you to do is put the blanket
down, and back away from it . . ."

Operator: 911 what is your emergency?   Blondie: My apartment is on fire! Operator: How do we get there?
Blondie: Duhh... big red truck!

Q: If H20 is on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside?   A: K9P

Q. What does CHAOS stand for?   A. Chiefs Have Arrived On Scene.

How firefighters identify a HAZMAT chemical using the Tri-COP-Scope Method:
1. Police Officer standing/car running: not hazardous.
2. Police Officer unconscious/car running: Toxic fumes.
3. Police Officer unconscious/car stalled: oxygen displacing chemical.
4. Police Officer/car both melting: acidic chemical.
5. Police Officer/car on fire: extremely flammable.